Symphony by @joshgroban

So if we bought a ticket to the concert, then we got a link to listen to “Symphony,” a song that’s dropping Friday, apparently.  How many times have I listened to it now? Twenty? Forty?  Not sure.

i’ve been following Josh fairly closely since 2010, about 8 years.  I read all his tweets.  I listen to a lot of his TV interviews.  I’ve just noticed that there are a lot of Instagram posts as well.  I’ve been to a fair number of concerts.  I went to Comet twice — first Broadway play i ever saw twice.  I’ve listened to some of the gossip as well.

I feel like I know this guy. I don’t really, of course.  I’ve shaken his hand. He might even recognize me dimly if he saw me again, because we’ve met a few times. But I’ve never had a real conversation with him. I’m not even sure any more that I would like him if he were my friend. Still, I feel like I know him.

One thing I know about him is that he’s really good at expressing emotions in singing.  He’s said, and I believe him, that he’s not nearly so good at expressing emotions when speaking. So I listen to this very heartfelt, emotional song, which was probably inspired by something out of his life — and it feels very much like the person who I think I know: a passionate person, who hasn’t had a lot of relationship success — and part of that is due to his very demanding career and passionate devotion to that.

I am the daughter of a great man, as well. I know that you don’t get to be a great man by spending lots of time with family and friends just to hang out.  You get to be a great man by focusing on what you want to be great at and shutting a lot of other stuff out.

You really hear that in this song.  You hear it a lot from celebs that they think the primary obstacle between them and relationship is that they’re married to their careers.

I was also raised by a mentally ill mother who used me as a little psychiatrist to listen to her problems  — not that she was ever willing to listen to mine.  Somehow I learned the idea that the way you express love is by listening to someone else’s drama — and swirling in it with them.

So I listen to all this emotion about a relationship that must ultimately have failed, because he seems not to be in one now — and I feel like I need to go out and rescue him — swirl in drama with him.  

That’s impossible of course.  He’s got too many fans who all would like to rescue him.  And he’s had bad experiences trying to deal with some of those fans.  There’s no way I’ll ever get anywhere near him emotionally — except by listening to him pour his heart into his music.

But still there’s this sense of intimacy, listening to his private thoughts.  And he feels familiar, like an old friend, talking to me — a high drama friend, maybe a bit like my mom.

But, ultimately, I’m still alone in my house.