The performances of this song in Las Vegas in the fall of 2021 are *so* beautiful, intense & moving. I already wrote a blog about it, but I'm still listening to it.
In listening, I'm starting to sense that I might not have entirely understood the lyrics. I've done some song interpretations before, with lyrics that I thought were ambiguous. Here I feel that I've got more questions than answers.
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Strip away the flesh and bone Look beyond the lies you've known Everybody wants to talk about a freak No one wants to dig that deep Let me take you underneath Baby, better watch your step Never mind what's on the left You're gonna see things you might not wanna see Still not that easy for me, underneath |
When I first listened to this song, I thought “you” referred to his partner. It’s occurring to me tho, that “you” is actually the audience. He could be introducing the song, by explaining that he’s going to tell the audience what it’s really like to have gay sex. At first, I thought “underneath” referred to being on the bottom during sex, which it may -- but it also could mean that this is a view under his skin -- inside his soul or his mind. At first, I thought “still not that easy for me” referred to that sexual position, but now I’m wondering if he’s saying it’s not that easy to talk about I just realized that “on your left” refers to where you look when you cross the street -- and he’s saying that that’s not what he’s asking the listener to do. |
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A red river of screams, underneath Tears in my eyes, underneath Stars in my black and blue sky And underneath, under my skin Underneath the depths of my sin |
This is probably the most intense part of the chorus of the song. At first, I thought he was talking about orgasm. But, maybe, he’s talking about his emotional state. |
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Look at me, now do you see? Welcome to my world of truth I don't wanna hide any part of me from you I'm standing here with no apologies Such a beautiful release, you inside of me [repeated lyrics omitted] |
This is where I may have gotten confused. “Such a beautiful release, you inside of me.” At first, I thought that this was a description of the sex act, addressed to his partner -- but maybe it means that it’s a relief to be able to talk about it, addressed to the audience. So is he saying he doesn’t want to hide any part of himself from his partner, or from the audience -- the listener? I suppose there’s an interview somewhere on YouTube where he discusses this. I could look. |
Addendum:
I decided to create a new table indicating how my thinking on this song has changed --mostly by writing this blog and looking at the words more locally
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Lyrics |
Interpretation 1 |
Interpretation 2 |
Interpretation 3 |
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This interpretation was entirely oriented around thinking that Adam was singing about a conversation with a partner |
In this interpretation I thought the song was partly addressed to the audience |
In this interpretation I came to believe that I was completely wrong about my initial interpretation and that the song is entirely addressed to the audience |
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Such a beautiful release, you inside of me |
This was probably the key lyric that set me down the wrong path. It stuck me as clearly sexual |
I continued to think that it was a sexual lyric |
I came to think that this actually meant that it was a relief to share his inner self with his fans |
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Still not that easy for me, underneath |
I’ve always assumed that Adam was butch & therefore would not be a bottom sexually. I’ve thought that, because his love interests have been smaller and more effeminate. This lyric tended to fit in with that belief. |
Still adopting the first interpretation |
I came to think that this actually meant that it wasn’t easy for him to reveal his true self to the audience |
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A red river of screams, underneath Tears in my eyes, underneath Stars in my black and blue sky |
In my initial interpretation, I believed that this was a description of an unexpectedly intense orgasm after experimenting with a new sexual practice. |
I began to see that he was talking to the audience. In this interpretation I thought he used such strong language to illustrate how powerful and inescapable his sexual orientation is --why he can’t hide or suppress it |
Now I think that this is not a description of orgasm, but rather a description of his daily inner turmoil --how much emotional pain he is in most of the time. The fact that his current version of this song is more emotional than earlier versions emphasizes how unhappy he’s been being shut up during the pandemic |
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I don't wanna hide any part of
me from you |
This lyric could be addressed to either the lover or the audience. It’s the final stanza of the song, also, which gives it especial significance. |
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Strip away the flesh and bone Look beyond the lies you've known Everybody wants to talk about a freak No one wants to dig that deep Let me take you underneath Baby, better watch your step Never mind what's on the left You're gonna see things you might not wanna see Still not that easy for me, underneath |
This is the start of the song. I didn’t really pay too much attention to it at first, because the repetition of the lyrics about the “red rivers of screams,”etc. distracted me from it. When I thought he was talking to a lover, I thought that he was describing the process of becoming open and vulnerable with a new partner I thought “you’re going to see things you might not want to see”meant his naked butt |
“everybody wants to talk about the freak”started breaking my initial take on this song. That would not be the sort of thing he would say to a lover, because, presumably, the lover is also gay. In this intermediate interpretation, I thought that the first lines were addressed to the audience, while the sentence starting with “Baby" was addressed to the lover |
I started seeing this whole section as addressed to the audience. that “on your left”refers to where you look when you
cross the street --and he’s saying that that’s not what he’s asking the
listener to do --
not really central to the meaning of the song, but I suddenly noticed it |
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A red river of screams, underneath Tears in my eyes, underneath Stars in my black and blue sky And underneath, under my skin Underneath the depths of my sin |
This may be the chorus of the song. I discussed part of it above --but the “underneath the depths of my sin”tended to confirm my thought that this song was a about sex The frequent repetition of this section overwhelmed my impression of the song and lyrics that weren’t in line with my understanding faded into the background |
Sama as 1st interpretation |
Orgasm is pleasurable. Red rivers of screams do not sound pleasurable. Tears can indicate many different emotions; however “black and blue”sounds like a bruise. Seeing stars can indicate being injured. Moreover, when Adam sings this song he doesn’t look happy. He looks like he’s in pain throughout. That’s not how he normally talks about sex |
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Look at me, now do you see? Welcome to my world of truth I don't wanna hide any part of me from you I'm standing here with no apologies Such a beautiful release, you inside of me [repeated lyrics omitted] |
This seemed consistent with the kind of conversation one would have with a lover |
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The thought that he would want to be so open and vulnerable with fans is moving in a totally different way. |
Curiously, I had an interesting interchange on Twitter with another user who lamented how inappropriate some of the audience comments were during the Las Vegas concerts. In particular one person yelled out that Adam should dip his balls during this song. When I thought it was a sexual song, that seems like an appropriate comment. I couldn’t understand why this other Twitter user was so upset. Now that I see that it is probably not a sexual song I can see that it’s really very inconsiderate and someone’s baring their soul to be saying something like that
Second addendum:
The song is just not letting go of me. I feel -- now that I have a different take on the words -- it makes me worried about Adam.
I met him very briefly in October 2019 at a charity event in Connecticut. I didn’t say anything about it at the time, but he looked as if he had been crying. Maybe I should've said something. But I'd only just recently become a fan. I didn't feel that I knew him. I didn't feel comfortable drawing attention to the puffy, recently crying, look around his eyes.
It wasn't that much later that they announced that he and Javi were breaking up. I wonder if he was crying over that.
When someone said in a recent interview that Adam reminded them of Elvis Presley, he mentioned how Elvis Presley, at the end, was fat and drinking a lot of beer. He seemed to imply that that was the kind of Elvis that he identified with.
Elvis Presley died at age 42.
I suppose there's nothing I can do. I am worried, though. The current rendition of this song is *so* desperate.
I hope he doesn't end up like Elvis.