I’m reading the inscriptions on that video that Connie Talbot tweeted a link to. (https://t.co/66q5WySQvu)
Sigh.
I always hate when people say “Stay strong,” for the same reason that I hate the song, “Smile,” per my immediately previous blog http://straightarrow372.blogspot.com/2015/01/why-i-hate-song-smile.html
I got that a lot — “Be Strong, Be Positive.” when I was in chemo.
To me, that instruction is more about protecting the sensibilities of the speaker than about helping the person to whom the comment is directed. They don’t want to be burdened with my negative emotions or my being down. They want me to put up a strong front so that they don’t have to deal with me when I’m down.
To me, a real friend is willing to let me be weak, doesn’t need me to put on a strong front for them. A real friend would be happy to let me get my negative emotions out and give me a shoulder to cry on.
Unfortunately, tho, I’ve spent so much time trying to be strong that I don’t have many friends who are that sort. I mostly have friends who expect me to be strong for them.
I don’t really know Connie. I don’t know how she feels about all this. Certainly she appreciates the efforts of fans to make her feel better.
But, as I mentioned before, since she is a person who made her reputation by having a beautiful smile and cute giggle, I wonder if her fans are really able to deal with anything else.
Maybe they don’t have to. Maybe Connie was just sad about her dad’s illness and now that he’s better she’s better. I don’t know.
But, still, I wonder whether there isn’t some part of her that wonders, as I wonder when friends say to be “Stay Strong,” whether she is allowed to cry and have negative emotions sometimes as well.
The idea that we can always be happy is a false idea.
Hi! I tried to understand your point of view, but I really can't. Do you think that people told you to stay strong because they didn't want to deal with you? In my opinion they just wanted to show you, that you can't give up. That you must believe that everything will be okay. And crying isn't a sign of being weak. By saying "stay strong" we didn't mean to tell Connie not to cry - we meant to tell, that she must believe, as we believe. "she is a person who made her reputation by having a beautiful smile and cute giggle, I wonder if her fans are really able to deal with anything else." - do you think we don't know she's just a normal person who can laugh but can cry too? We don't treat her only as an idol - she's also our friend. And as you said she appreciates our work to make her feel better. Why? Because she knows, that we did it, because we love her. And I guess your friends told you to stay strong because they love you. Think about it. Caring people really exist.
ReplyDeleteThe maker of the video for Connie.
Yes, I think that when everyone rushes to say "Be Strong," they're really saying "I don't want to see you cry." It's really self-protection. It's not about helping the person who is unhappy.
ReplyDeleteSome day, perhaps the time will come, when you want a shoulder to cry on, but there is none, because you've always been the strong one, and everyone greets you with "Be positive. Be strong." Then we'll see how you like it.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying people do this as a conscious plan -- it's more of a subconscious thing -- rushing to stop people from expressing negative emotions, as if stopping the expression of the emotions really makes the person better, as opposed to merely pretending to be better.
ReplyDeleteRecent scientific studies have shown that patients who (in one way or another) can maintain a more positive attitude do better, have shorter times-to-remission, than people whose attitudes are negative. I don't know about this--it's never happened to me vis-à-vis serious illness. In that I realize I'm greatly blessed, so far.
ReplyDeletePerhaps people say "be strong" because they don't always know what to say to the person who's suffering. I don't always know what to say.
Deb: I suspect that it's hard to sort out cause and effect here. Are people more positive, because they're feeling better? Or are they feeling better, because they're more positive?
ReplyDeleteI had a lot of deep depression myself before being diagnosed with cancer, but I believe that was a symptom of the cancer -- that my body knew subliminally that something was wrong. Similarly, I felt good after my first few chemos, but I think that was because I could feel subliminally that it was helping.