Recent holiday greeting cards

I just wanted to memorialize my holiday greetings from this recent holiday season.

This was my tongue in cheek greeting to Josh Groban

Also, here's my old pun "Illuminations by 'Josh,' rather than 'Illuminations' by Josh"

And my entry into the ITR poster contest

Here's a get well card I sent to Paris Jackson on twitter in 2013

Be not strong

I’m reading the inscriptions on that video that Connie Talbot tweeted a link to. (https://t.co/66q5WySQvu)

Sigh.

I always hate when people say “Stay strong,” for the same reason that I hate the song, “Smile,” per my immediately previous blog http://straightarrow372.blogspot.com/2015/01/why-i-hate-song-smile.html  

I got that a lot — “Be Strong, Be Positive.” when I was in chemo.

To me, that instruction is more about protecting the sensibilities of the speaker than about helping the person to whom the comment is directed.  They don’t want to be burdened with my negative emotions or my being down.  They want me to put up a strong front so that they don’t have to deal with me when I’m down.

To me, a real friend is willing to let me be weak, doesn’t need me to put on a strong front for them. A real friend would be happy to let me get my negative emotions out and give me a shoulder to cry on.

Unfortunately, tho, I’ve spent so much time trying to be strong that I don’t have many friends who are that sort.  I mostly have friends who expect me to be strong for them.

I don’t really know Connie.  I don’t know how she feels about all this.  Certainly she appreciates the efforts of fans to make her feel better.  

But, as I mentioned before, since she is a person who made her reputation by having a beautiful smile and cute giggle, I wonder if her fans are really able to deal with anything else.

Maybe they don’t have to.  Maybe Connie was just sad about her dad’s illness and now that he’s better she’s better.   I don’t know.

But, still, I wonder whether there isn’t some part of her that wonders, as I wonder when friends say to be “Stay Strong,” whether she is allowed to cry and have negative emotions sometimes as well.

The idea that we can always be happy is a false idea.

Why I hate the song "Smile"

I’m listening to Connie Talbot’s album “Over the Rainbow.”  I’m hearing that song “Smile.”  That song really bugs me.

For me, this is a song about emotional dishonesty. It’s a song about making other people more comfortable at my own expense, by not exposing them to my negative emotions.  

Indeed most people don’t feel that they can cope with negative emotions in others.  Any expression of negative emotions is greeted with an instruction to go to a therapist.  No one is willing just to listen to a friend or acquaintance having a rough spot.

Well, as far as I’m concerned, a person who can’t cope with my negative emotions is not my friend; and the instruction to go to a therapist at the slightest hint of negative emotions is a strong confirmation of that.

I am also a 12 stepper.  One thing I learned in my 12 step programs is that addiction is a result of trying not to deal with emotions — that addicts medicate themselves with substances or behaviors to avoid feeling feelings.  Precisely this sort of emotional dishonesty is the pathway to addiction.

“Smile” was Michael Jackson’s favorite song.  Note what happened to him.

Now, poor Connie Talbot, who sang this song on an album at age 6 or 7, has taken a vacation from twitter because she’s going through a hard time.

That’s understandable.  She’s 14.  That’s a hard time.  The young teen is just learning to cope with a new body, hormonal shifts, new thoughts and feelings. Most teens get stressed.

I think it must be much harder for her.  She’s been spending a lot of her energy being a performer who specializes in smiling a lot and cheering people up.  This grew out of her early experiences singing to her grandmother when her grandmother was dying.  Her grandmother found her singing very comforting.  Connie therefore wanted to keep comforting people with her singing.

There  is at least one YouTube video that focuses only on her giggles.  She was a very cute little kid giggling.

Now she’s a teen and she doesn’t feel like being a cute little girl giggling.  That must be particularly difficult for her, given that she’s been performing for millions of people being a giggler and someone who sings songs to cheer people up.

I wish her well.

But I don’t think that song is a good background at all for dealing with real issues.