@PTXofficial @BeaconTheater 12/18/18

On December 18, I went to see Pentatonix at The Beacon theater. 

This was with some trepidation. I'd been there three times before. Twice the volume was way too high. 

Once was when I went to see Il Volo, a classical group that you wouldn't have expected to blast out their audience's ears. The Beacon isn't that big of a theater. Traditional acoustic instruments should be able to fill it without amplification. Violins, for instance, are really loud instruments. Classically trained singers also shouldn't need amplification, or only very slight amplification

The other loud time was Cyndi Lauper's Home for the Holidays charity concert. Now, at that concert, they had some rock and metal performers, so loud might have been expected, but they were loud when Josh Groban performed. Josh debuted a new song at that concert. Unfortunately, not only was the amplification too loud, but it was also distorted, so that the words of Josh's song were incomprehensible. 

The third time was when I went to a full Josh Groban concert. That time it was not too loud, but the first half of the concert had distorted acoustics that ruined the beautiful sound of Josh's voice. Fortunately, they fixed it after intermission, but only after torturing us for the first half

So I had concerns about hearing Pentatonix there. 

Fortunately, I'm pleased to report that the sound was loud, but not so loud that I needed ear plugs, unlike Il Volo. I found out that the Beacon stocks ear plugs at the customer service desk. I try to have ear plugs with me at all times, but it's a pity to pay money to hear a live concert and then have to wear ear plugs. 

Unfortunately, I wished I had brought sun glasses because they kept shining bright lights directly into my eyes, which was very painful.  Why do you do these things to your audience Beacon? Why don't you adjust the angle so it's above the audience. Granted I was near the top of the balcony, but I didn't pay money to have you hurt my eyes. 

My historic experience with popular music has always been that it's unpleasant. YouTube has given me hope that I can find music that I like. A cappella groups have been good for me at least on YouTube. Some of the most annoying instrumental sounds are absent. 

It was interesting comparing the live sound with the YouTube sound. Some of the performers sounded better. Others sounded worse. 

Kirstin was notable in sounding incredibly good live, while less remarkable on YouTube. I've always felt that recording and amplification systems tend to discriminate against women's voices. This was a case in point. She was also a real trooper, performing with a leg that was broken and only recently out of a cast. She sounded fantastic anyway. 

Another standout was Matt. I have a hard time hearing him on YouTube. Live, with the bass turned up, he became much more audible. When he was singing harmony, I could feel his notes resonating in my sternum. I liked it. When he sang solos, his voice was exquisite. I don't think he's as deep a bass as Avi was, but his low baritone range is delicious, whereas Avi's voice is uninteresting at the higher notes. 

Kevin, I felt, was under amplified. This was particularly noticeable when he did his remarkable solo with simultaneous cello and beat boxing. I could hear the cello, but had a hard time hearing the beat boxing. When he's played cello on line, he's used an acoustic cello. This time he used an electric cello. The electric cello was over amplified and distorted. I didn't like it. The acoustic versions on line are better. 

Scott was underamplified. I had difficulty hearing his solos. It sounded like his voice was rougher in a live performance than it was online. Also, I couldn't help but noticing what remarkably skinny legs he has. 

Mitch was a bit of a disappointment live. His soaring countertenor solos online are quite impressive, but less so in person. He hit all the notes, but somehow his tone didn't seem as good. 

Overall, though, they did a good job, They kept it together and had a good sense of rhythm. The amplification of Matt's bass really helped give texture to the music. 

They did one song without mics. It was quieter than the other songs, but it sounded lovely, because, after all, The Beacon is an old theater with good acoustics and amplification isn't all that necessary, except for the beat boxing, which they didn't try to do without mics.

There was an opening act. This was a similar a cappella group, except all females. I gather, from his tweets, that Scott is somehow involved with this other group. Perhaps he is the director. They had a different sound from Pentatonix, though. To me, they sounded more like the jazzy singers I used to hear as a kid. Curiously, they called their lowest singer a bass, though I don't think she would be as low as a male bass. 

The other group was called Citizen Queen. I'm not sure how they get away with that, given all the recent focus on the rock group called Queen, which is getting a lot of attention now. 

Comparing Freddie Mercury and Adam Lambert

I've been obsessively watching Queen videos since I saw Bohemian Rhapsody. I had been fairly ignorant of them before.

I didn't think I would like them, because I usually like pop/classical crossover -- yet, strangely, I seem to.

I ran across this video comparing Freddie and Adam (who is currently touring with Queen). The guy posting asked for comments, so I offered my two cents. Then I decided to add my comments to this blog.

Adam is a tenor. Freddie was a baritone. Adam is more relaxed on the high notes and does amazing melisma. Freddie was better at capturing an Elvis-like voice -- and put in more different textures and styles. Freddie played instruments, being a more all round musician, while Adam only sings. Freddie was more committed and intense -- but there was also something forced about the way he moved. As I watch him, I see him thinking about how to get the audience's attention, often by being as outrageous as possible. Adam is more relaxed and natural. When Adam went on American Idol, he had already been performing for 20 years. Now it's more like 30. His superior experience shows in his lesser desperation to attract attention. Adam is a more modest dresser than Freddie. Which is curious, because Freddie had this reputation as a shy, private person, while Adam is more confident and relaxed. I note that Adam has gained some weight since this video, which, in a way, is a relief, since Freddie wasted away. I would say that Adam is prettier than Freddy, and softer. You know a lot of this is a matter of taste and timing. If Adam were the dead legend and Freddie were the replacement, people would be saying that Freddie wasn't quite Adam.

@joshgroban at MSG 11/18/18

Well, I’ve certainly taken my sweet time getting this blog out.  The concert was more than a week ago.  I guess Josh is not as high priority to me as he used to be.  Like right now I'm having a hard time trying to get myself to edit this properly, because I'm watching a documentary about Queen, because I saw "Bohemian Rhapsody" recently. There was a time when I would have had the blog up the next day after the concert -- even if I had to stay up all night. 

But better late than never, I suppose.  As usual, I'll likely edit it later.

The concert started early. That was surprising. I thought I had at least ten minutes before the show would start, so I went to the restroom. When I came back Idina was already singing.

I wonder if that was planned, or if she was so excited she just jumped the gun. In retrospect, given that it was Sunday night and a lot of people, including me, had to go to work on the morning, I wish they had started at seven.

People started walking out after Qui, during Josh’s set, presumably because they had to work the next day.  I stayed until the end, but it was hard because I had a 7:30 am call time the next morning and two hours commute each way.  I didn’t get much sleep.  People were fleeing the arena before Josh got offstage after the encore.  I don’t think that was because the concert was bad.  I think it was because they had to work.

Idina

Idina cut a striking figure in a very sparkly jumpsuit. Even though I was pretty high up, there was no missing her, brightly reflecting the stage lighting. The outfit seemed to make her look taller. I quickly googled her height. The search revealed her to be a solidly average 5'4". I was surprised. I thought she must be a giant.

I was far enough up not to be able to see too clearly, but also too far forward to see the screens overhead.  I tried to crain my neck to see them, but still couldn’t see her face clearly.

 There was an accordion pleated curtain behind her on stage where they were projecting her image. It was strangely distorted by the folds of the curtain. I wished I had brought binoculars.

Idina was excited to perform at MSG. She had been fantasizing about it for a long time. She told us that she also fantasized that we would be charting her name, so some people did. Of course, if she had really hoped for spontaneous chanting it might have helped not to start early.

She also said she wanted to jump into a mosh pit, but of course there was none.

She had a rock-like approach to music, though I think the sparkly jumpsuit puts her in the pop category, right?  I don’t really understand these categories very well. I don’t like them that much, in general.

Idina sings very loudly. She has a powerful voice. The amplification was turned up too high as well. I wore ear plugs for most of her performance.

Idina is a charismatic performer with good vocal technique. She's very experienced and has had some big hits, like "Defying Gravity" and "Let it Go-to" which she sang. She moves well. She looked fabulous in her jumpsuit...

And, yet, I've unfortunately never liked her voice. I don't understand why Josh likes it. Of course, he doesn't like his own voice.

I saw their Awake duet on YouTube. I didn't like her voice then either. I did listen to some other YouTube videos of her before the concert and found some where I did like the sound, and I certainly like her hits, as recorded, so I was hoping maybe I would like her in person, but, unfortunately, no.

I even tweeted Josh when he announced that she was touring with him that I wasn't pleased, not that that would have swayed him. Obviously, he had already committed and he likes her voice.

But my friends on Bad Grobanites also didn't like her voice, nor did the person sitting next to me at MSG. I do have one friend who likes her voice, but that person is not a hard core Grobanite.

There is a reason why she was cast as a witch. Broadway does not only cast for beautiful voices. They cast for stage presence, for acting ability, for expressiveness. She certainly has all those things.

Josh

In any case, it is said that the grass is always greener on the other side. I suppose that's true of Josh as well. He started out very loud, as if to match Idina. I didn't write down the set list at the time, but I think he started with "Bigger Than You."

I took the ear plugs out a few times when idina was performing, but sadly put them back in. I was even sadder to have to put them in when Josh was singing. Does he really think that people turn to his music to have their ears blasted out?

It wasn't just me. The person next to me said she wished she had ear plugs. A friend of mine who saw the concert in Philadelphia said the same.

At some level, he wants to be that loud rock singer. But, Josh, why not just be you?

Fortunately, some time during the evening, the volume did go down a bit so I was able to listen to the later part of the concert without earplugs.

I was interested to watch our usher listening to Josh. You could see that he was really drawn into the music. He was very focused on the performance. I talked to him afterwards. He said he hadn't seen Josh before, he thought Josh was good, and that it was nice to hear some more laid back music, because the crowds at the other shows tended to get drunk and rowdy.

On the whole, I thought Josh did well. His technique only improves with time, especially since he apparently changed voice coaches. Curiously, he went nasal on the older songs, Oceano and Alla Luce, as if they somehow took him back into some old pattern.

I was sad that he didn't play drums or accordion, but he did play piano, across the arena on a smaller stage. During the first song over there, she's always a woman, I didn't figure out what had happened. I could see him on the screen, but not on the stage. Then I figured it out. He's done this before. I felt dumb not to figure it out right away.

I did get to see him run back, which was nice. He shook several hands along the way. It was rumored that on this tour he didn't do his usual appearances at the buses for autographs. This was allegedly because he has received so many death threats. It's so sad how celebrities attract whackos and no one seems to be able to do anything about it. Of course, I've encountered several of them in Josh's twitter following.

He does, in principle, like hanging around with fans, I think, if they don't grope him or grab him, but, obviously, death threats are another matter. So, at least with this setup, he gets to shake a few hands

The Awake DVD showed him running back and forth for his entire show. I recall him saying, when he was younger, that he liked to practice singing while running on a treadmill. Now the running is much curtailed, but he got to do a little of it. I wonder if that's connected with him getting older. Also, he said in one interview that he's had knee surgery.

It's hard to think of young Josh getting older, but, really, we're around the twentieth anniversary of David Foster discovering him. Hard to wrap my mind around that.

I don't so much want him to play drums because of his drumming skills, but because he's fun to watch when he plays. He gets so into it. You don't get to where Josh is without having that X Factor, and that means that he's fun to watch. Other drummers might have more skill, but they're not him.

Another notable omission was "Symphony." That was the first single Josh released on this latest album. It also seemed to be the most personal, about his struggles with balancing his career, which involves a lot of travel, and his love life. I liked that song. But maybe it was too fresh for him. I suspected that was why he wouldn't sing "Love Only Knows" from the "Illuminations" album: a song that obviously grew out of a painful situation that perhaps he didn't feel comfortable singing in front of an audience.

I do hope that Josh does eventually write a symphony. I feel he's got it in him, the talent, the skill, and the musical maturity. I feel he would write a really interesting piece. Symphonies aren't hit songs, I don't think. I don't know if anyone ever got rich writing a symphony. It's about making a musical statement. I hope he'll do it.

I was afraid that the "Bridges" album signaled a change in Josh, away from his tendency towards experimental, fusion music into conventional pop. But, in concert, it turned out ok. I heard a lot of exotic sounds, the sort I normally expect from Josh, a lot of musical complexity. That was a relief to me. He hasn't sold out.

Jennifer Nettles visited. I gather she wasn't at the other concerts. When they said there would be a special guest, I was hoping for Lucia, who I saw performing in NYC the week before, but, no. That's just over, I guess. I miss Ruslan as well, and that Asian drummer who calls himself "Tao of Sound."

Jennifer sings quite low. Josh tends to sing high a lot. I find it unfortunate that we seem to admire men who sing high and women who sing low, ironically as if we want our singers to be slightly trans or something. Unfortunately, the result is that when Josh and Jennifer sing together it's sometimes hard to tell who is singing.

Of course, they sang "99 Years," the duet they sang on the album. That's a nice peppy song, but, really, Josh, outside of the Book of Genesis, I don't think couples live long enough to be married 99 years. Perhaps it would be better to be satisfied with our natural lifetime.

Mark Stephens has cut his hair. That made me a bit sad also. I don't know if that was what made him look older or whether he just really has aged a lot. Uncomfortable reminder of my own mortality

There was something odd about the screen behind Josh.  While Idina had a curtain that broke up the projected image of her rather chaotically, Josh had a flat screen.  However, the projected image was partially blocked at the top by the stage lighting, which meant that one often couldn’t see his face on the screen, at least from the nose bleed seats where I was sitting. I could see his chest and shoulders just fine.  If they had projected him just a bit lower I could have seen his face more often.

Josh wore a velvet jacket.  I think this was the only time he did that on this tour.  I gather that the performance was being recorded for a possible DVD. I could see a robot arm moving a camera around the stage during much of the performance.  Apparently, he dressed up for that – though a velvet jumpsuit seems out of character for him, to me.  Idina changed from her sparkling jumpsuit to a velvet jumpsuit during their duets so that they would be coordinated – albeit in different colors.  Josh’s jacket was dark blue, while Idina’s jumpsuit was beige.  Actually, I couldn’t tell from my vantage point whether Josh’s jacket was velvet or satin.  It was Idina who pointed out that it was velvet.  I wonder about depicting Josh for posterity in this foppish jacket, when he much prefers to dress casually.

At one point, Josh had people turn on their cell phone lights around the arena.  That’s a very pretty effect, but when I really looked at the distance between the lights it seemed that most people didn’t comply.  I wonder why.  Batteries low? Don’t know how to turn on their cell phone flashlight? Don’t like to be ordered around from state?  It left me wondering what MSG would have looked like if in fact every one had turned on their cell  phone light.

Josh had to ask people in front to sit down at one point, because he feared that view of those in back would be obscured. He mentioned that there was no mosh pit also. Perhaps he really needs one.  Some fans do want to stand during the performance.

I tried to write down all the songs afterwards, with some help from other fans.  This isn’t in order, but I think this was the list of songs Josh sang or played

Songs

Bigger than us

Musica del Corazon

Bring him home

To where you are

You raise me up

Bridge over troubled water

Qui

Alla luce

pure imagination

lullaby (with Idina)

Falling slowly (with Idina)

oceano

Granted

River

99 years

Won't look back

you are loved

She's always a woman to me

Wandering kind

99 years (with Jennifer)

Here are some tweet images that I sent out during and after the concert:

This was the next day.  Idina made a remark that she should be excused for swearing because she's 47, married twice, and gave birth to a child.  She suggested that parents just cover their kids' ears.  I disagree

This was before the concert.  There was a time when I knew that Josh was reading my tweets to him, so I still sometimes write to him as if he were reading.  You never know.  He might.

Response to @joshgroban "Granted"

Josh was an extraordinary child. He saw musical theater when he was small and decided he wanted to do musical theater. 

That in and of itself is not unusual. What is unusual is that his determination to achieve that goal never wavered. 

He got into arts schools, arts camps, lessons, an arts college. Even after he booked a multimillion dollar music contact, he never let go of that dream, for thirty years, until he actually managed to get on a Broadway stage. 

Who has that kind of determination and focus? Certainly not me. I never even had any idea what I wanted to be, career wise, when I grew up until I was 57, when I decided I wanted to act. And now my determination to do that is wavering some. Before that, I was doing intellectual property law, mostly to please my dad. 

He also has some extraordinary gifts. He reports that he could come home and play at least the melody of all the songs from a musical on the piano after seeing the musical once. When Kat was dating him, she reported that he still does this, that he can play any song that he's heard. 

So he writes this song, "Granted," which promotes pursuing a dream. Josh had a dream. He pursued it. He got it. 

What about the rest of us? We don't have that kind of determination and focus. We don't have those natural gifts. We might not even have a dream, or not a realistic one. I have fantasized about marrying a number of celebrities. Is that going to happen? Probably not. And look what happened with Katie Holmes. She had a dream to marry Tom Cruise, as I also once did. She achieved her dream, but it apparently didn't turn out the way she hoped. That's often the case for me. Things aren't what I hoped they would be. 

So Josh got his dream and apparently loved it as much as he dreamed he would. That's also not so typical of dreams. 

I dreamed of a lifelong successful career. That failed. I dreamed of a happy marriage. My ex dumped me. I dreamed of brilliant children. I got disabled ones. I worked hard to stay fit and lose weight, in the hopes of having a healthy active lifestyle as an older person. Then I got cancer. 

Dreams. 

Sigh. 

@joshgroban Bridges album -- updated

This has a more upbeat feel than prior albums. The songs about romance are especially positive -- about being willing to commit rather than being predominantly about breakup or communications failures as was Josh's previous wont. This isn't a bad thing at all.  Illuminations was enough to break your heart if you cared about Josh at all, because he sounded so utterly miserable.  Songs that feel more comfortable with commitment include More of You, 99 years, and Won't Look Back. Run is more in the prior vein.

The arrangements are fairly uninteresting -- less complex, less intellectual than I would like to hear.  Also the instrumentals are mixed to be more quiet than previously.  The emphasis is on Josh's voice -- improved since new voice coach; and always extraordinarily very expressive.  Josh's voice is great, of course, but still I miss the prior intellectual focus of his music.

To my ear, Josh's expressiveness is most on show in "More of You," which is incredibly intense and feels very sexual.  Josh hasn't always been willing to show us that much of himself in terms of desire and connection.  I wonder if he'll be willing to sing it in concert. He had a previous very emotional and personal song, which sounded suicidal, called Love Only Knows.  So far as I know, that was never performed live.

But Josh has changed.  He used to be known for summarily deleting threads on the fora on his website that speculated about his personal life -- and never showing skin.  The most we'd get would be a couple of buttons undone around the neck and cuffs rolled up slightly above the wrist.  He went down a water slide fully clothed once, when he knew fans were around, apparently to avoid being photographed in a swimsuit.  But, then, very recently he tweeted a photo of himself in a swimsuit.  Given his prior behavior, that was a shock to me.

Also, he's attended more public events with his girlfriend of the moment.  He's dated a lot of women -- mostly in secret.  People who follow him closely have noticed things on twitter and talked about them on special gossip websites, so we suspect that there have been A LOT of women.  He didn't seem to feel comfortable being photographed with someone who he might only be seeing briefly, especially if he was seeing more than one at a time, which some of us suspected.  That seems to be changing, or maybe, given the songs about commitment on this album, he's more confident that he's closer to getting into something more permanent.

But I think he's feeling more comfortable with himself, in general. I think you see that in public appearances.  He used to speak in a high, anxious voice that made people speculate that he was gay.  Now he speaks in a lower voice. Even when he walks, to me, he looks more comfortable, more grounded, more in charge.

"More of You," could be an indication of that -- feeling more comfortable with letting us know that side of him.

I'm a huge Modern Classical fan.  Josh's modern classical/pop fusion stuff has been very exciting for me.  When I think of what sounds modern classical to me, I think of songs like Let Me Fall, Now or Never, Voce Existe en Mim, False Alarms, and Hollow Talk. There are hints of it too in Oceano and February Song.  Lucia's Kashmir on the Awake DVD was another example, tho perhaps more modern classical/metal fusion.  I was thrilled with the complex and varied music of Natasha, Pierre & the Great Comet of 1812.  I like the more complicated arrangements like "Canto Alla Vita."

This whole album is much less musically intellectual than those examples. A touch of Josh's characteristic intervals/jumps and modern classical feel are somewhat apparent in Granted and Symphony, and a bit in River, but much more toned down than they used to be.  That disappoints me.

I guess the most complex arrangement is the last one -- Bigger than Us -- which is also back in the frustrated romance category.  Also Run -- Does frustration make him crave complex music? The duet with Andrea has a moderately complex classical arrangement -- but, while lovely, is not tremendously original to my ear.

Josh has had some fascinating world music influences on his albums, such as Lullaby and Weeping, which were related to his trip to South Africa.   Of course, many of his songs have been in romance languages, and one in Japanese, but I'm not sure I would call that world music, because they don't necessarily have arrangements that feel specific to another culture -- at least they don't feel that way to me.  I guess I'm used to Italian and French music.  I'm still waiting for Russian, German, Arabic, Chinese, and Swahili.  I love that world music feeling. Josh said in or thereabouts 2010 that he was working on a piano/zhonghu duet.  A couple of years ago he tweeted me that he was still working on it.  I was hoping we'd get that.

In the world music category on this album: Musica del Corazon, which has a very HIspanic feel -- but here in the USA there is so much Spanish language radio that this doesn't seem very exotic.  I don't feel that the Italian or French song sound like world music, even though they're not in English.  The duet with Andrea (We Will Meet Again) is the most canonically classical piece on the album, imho.

Duets with women on Bridges are mixed so that when Josh is singing  together with Jennifer or Sarah, you can't hear the women.  On the other hand the duet with Andrea is mixed so that you can hear both singers well when they're singing together. Why?

River is growing on me.  I really didn't like it the first time I heard it.  It sounded like a country song to me and Josh's voice sounds more thin and strained than on the other songs. But hearing it frequently has made it more palatable to me.  It certainly doesn't seem like a country song now.  I don't know why I thought so at first.

Remember: I edit blogs for a while after I write them, so if you read this early on you might want to come back and look at it again later.

****

It was sometime after I wrote this blog that I really listened to the lyrics of "Run," and realized that it was likely about the singer standing by the bedside of a recently deceased loved one, in a hospital. Whoosh.  Very, very sad indeed.  Now that I've listened to the words of that song, it really knocks me for a loop.

RIP @jennr473 fan of @joshgroban

I've had 3 Grobie friends die prematurely: Lizzzie, Imazdi4ever (Donna) and now Jennr473.
I've been thinking about this. Why is this happening?

First, what sort of people become serious fans? These are not casual fans who buy an album and listen to it a few times. These are people who make a serious effort to get to lots of concerts, get every album, join a fan club, hang out with other fans, hang out by stage doors to get momentary glimpses of Josh and get his autograph.  These are people who hang out sufficiently often that Josh actually recognizes them when he sees them, or even tweets about them dying.

I have to think that these are people like me, people who are unhappy enough in their lives that somehow the idea of a celebrity is an escape -- somehow this bigger than life person can brighten the otherwise dismal life.

A person who has great stress in life will suffer adverse health consequences.  Medical studies are increasingly showing this.

Also, particularly with cancer, I believe cancer causes depression, as a symptom.  I've been through chemo twice and in remission twice.  I definitely feel that when I have cancer there is a subliminal drag on my psyche and my energy. I'm not depressed because I know I have cancer. I'm depressed before I know I have cancer, because at some level my body knows that something is horribly wrong.

Josh, himself, has described his work as "super depresso." I think particularly of his early songs "To Where You Are" and "For Always," which are directed at people who have lost a loved one.  But also there have been many songs about failed relationships "Now or Never," "Higher Window," "Happy in my Heartache," "Broken Vow," "Falling Slowly," etc.

These songs appeal to people with broken lives.

Those people either have or are going to have health problems.

Not a very pretty picture -- but, I fear, premature death awaits many of us hard core fans.

I'm frustrated, because I'm travelling with this ancient desk book running windows 7 and blogspot doesn't work well with this computer. I'm not going to be able to edit this unless I get to another computer.  if you're a regular reader of this blog, you'll know that I normally keep editing after posting.

fans mourn @joshgroban by attacking each other

So it happened again. I tweeted this.

You'll note I changed back to my original avi, my pet parrot, rather than the eagle with the pink cap.


I got a response.

She said

I said:

Here's the link to the instagram photo that we're talking about

https://www.instagram.com/p/BlBnKQTl8QI/?taken-by=bendybombshell

You'll note that at first I was confused and thought she was talking about the conversation I had the previous day with Daisy

Here's my blog about that

http://straightarrow372.blogspot.com/2018/07/rip-roaring-discussion-re-joshgroban.html

It just didn't occur to me that she could object to my sending a beautiful, artistic photo of scantily clad people.  Josh is no prude -- unlike some of his fans.  He would love that photo.

Apparently, fans are obsessed with the idea that if they could control what was tweeted to Josh they could have prevented him from leaving twitter.   They express this by attacking other fans.

In fact, historically, ever since Josh became famous, he has had a horror of fans attacking each other over social media posts directed at him.  He's talked about that repeatedly.  I included a screen shot of one of his comments in my immediately previous blog.

What was even worse was that if he defended a fan who was being attacked, then fans would attack him for getting involved.

I'm reminded of the five stages of grief:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Obviously, these fans are in the Anger and Bargaining stages, where they feel like somehow they could control whether he leaves by controlling what is tweeted to him -- not really understanding what was bothering him in the first place.

I withheld a political tweet just before he left, because I was worried that politics was what was upsetting him.  Of course, I don't know that. I'm just speculating.

rip roaring discussion re @joshgroban -- Ahh, it's been a while

NB: My interlocutor apologized and requested that her name be removed from the blog -- so I've edited it out.

It's been a while since I've been in one of these types of discussion.  I used to get into them all the time.  Screen shots follow

First, what she said:

Then what I said. Ugh. Sequence is lost here, but there never can be perfect sequencing in twitter discussions, because sometimes one party tweets in response to one tweet while the other person is composing a second tweet -- so the response ends up not being in sequence.

Links I referred to above, which you can't follow in screen shots.

https://creativesomething.net/post/55508909341/the-link-between-depression-and-creativity-and
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/whats-the-link-between-creativity-and-depression_us_592f3441e4b00afe556b0aac
http://straightarrow372.blogspot.com/2014/05/bipolar-boy-band-tweets.html
https://www.facebook.com/152218818163790/posts/583451145040553/
https://peterhollens.com/mad-world-depression/

This is reminding me of how people used to attack Lizzie, when she had thoughtful conversations with Josh on twitter. He always defended Lizzie. He always hated when fans attacked other fans for not being sheeples. He never wanted people to just fawn over him. He valued discussion.

He pleaded with fans over and over not to attack each other and to let him defend himself. It drove him crazy watching fans hurt each other.

I totally don't get [deleted]'s complaint at all. Why would I have to have had coffee with Josh to know that he said he was leaving twitter at the advice of his shrink? Why would I have had to have coffee with Josh to know about his many comments on twitter and in interviews about his many dark moments?  Why would I have to be in his family to respond to a tweet in which he himself raised mental health issues?

I think some fans grew up in families where discussions of any type were not welcome.  People were just supposed to brown nose those in power all the time.  I supposed that must be the dynamic in abusive families. If you aren't always saying nice positive things to the abusive daddy-o, he's going to beat you up.

Josh didn't grow up in that sort of family and neither did I. Well, half and half. My mom loved vigorous discussion and debate.  My dad hated them.  He didn't want them occurring in his presence.  My mom and I had to wait until he wasn't around.

Also, I think some fans still feel that mental illness, such as depression, is shameful and not to be discussed in public with strangers.  I don't feel that way.  As a matter of fact, I think that attitude is dead wrong.  We need to talk about mental health.  We can't help each other if we don't.  We need to recognize that mental illness is common.

I've been composing another blog about my feelings about Josh leaving twitter.  I thought that was going to be my next blog -- but this intervened.

I used to have endless discussions with Lizzie (late great tweep) about this business of geniuses necessarily being crazy -- and we don't want to fix them.  We need them to be crazy if we want them to keep creating works of genius.   She was a psychologist.  She wanted all mental illness fixed. I don't think that's desirable, myself.  I want Josh to be able to keep performing and composing.  If he gets to be perfectly well balanced, I doubt that he'll be able to continue to do that.

****

But the sad thing here is that he did used to sometimes jump in and discuss with us -- and now he won't. Alas.

Symphony by @joshgroban

So if we bought a ticket to the concert, then we got a link to listen to “Symphony,” a song that’s dropping Friday, apparently.  How many times have I listened to it now? Twenty? Forty?  Not sure.

i’ve been following Josh fairly closely since 2010, about 8 years.  I read all his tweets.  I listen to a lot of his TV interviews.  I’ve just noticed that there are a lot of Instagram posts as well.  I’ve been to a fair number of concerts.  I went to Comet twice — first Broadway play i ever saw twice.  I’ve listened to some of the gossip as well.

I feel like I know this guy. I don’t really, of course.  I’ve shaken his hand. He might even recognize me dimly if he saw me again, because we’ve met a few times. But I’ve never had a real conversation with him. I’m not even sure any more that I would like him if he were my friend. Still, I feel like I know him.

One thing I know about him is that he’s really good at expressing emotions in singing.  He’s said, and I believe him, that he’s not nearly so good at expressing emotions when speaking. So I listen to this very heartfelt, emotional song, which was probably inspired by something out of his life — and it feels very much like the person who I think I know: a passionate person, who hasn’t had a lot of relationship success — and part of that is due to his very demanding career and passionate devotion to that.

I am the daughter of a great man, as well. I know that you don’t get to be a great man by spending lots of time with family and friends just to hang out.  You get to be a great man by focusing on what you want to be great at and shutting a lot of other stuff out.

You really hear that in this song.  You hear it a lot from celebs that they think the primary obstacle between them and relationship is that they’re married to their careers.

I was also raised by a mentally ill mother who used me as a little psychiatrist to listen to her problems  — not that she was ever willing to listen to mine.  Somehow I learned the idea that the way you express love is by listening to someone else’s drama — and swirling in it with them.

So I listen to all this emotion about a relationship that must ultimately have failed, because he seems not to be in one now — and I feel like I need to go out and rescue him — swirl in drama with him.  

That’s impossible of course.  He’s got too many fans who all would like to rescue him.  And he’s had bad experiences trying to deal with some of those fans.  There’s no way I’ll ever get anywhere near him emotionally — except by listening to him pour his heart into his music.

But still there’s this sense of intimacy, listening to his private thoughts.  And he feels familiar, like an old friend, talking to me — a high drama friend, maybe a bit like my mom.

But, ultimately, I’m still alone in my house.

I decided to do some graphics for Josh's Birthday.  They're a bit hard to read, but I like them, because if you look at them full size they have an interesting 3D effect.  You have to click on them to see that.

Lucia's concert

I'm embedding this FB post here, so that I can share it with people who are not on FB