Conchita Wurst "Don't Put the Blame on Me"

It is one of my personal idiosyncrasies that I'm attracted to gay men, or any men who can't have sex with women.  

I went through this major obsession for a while thinking that Michael Jackson was a castrato.  After a while, I came to realize that the high voice and gender non-conforming behavior was not intended to be effeminate, nor was it due to a hormonal issue.  It was just an act, because he was obsessed with never growing up, being Peter Pan.  I realized that there were examples of him singing baritone -- that all the baritone voices in the choruses of a lot of his songs were actually him, doing multiple tracks.

I think my obsession had something to do with my mother telling me that my father wasn't interested in sex any more after she was 40.  Some weird neurosis.

Anyway, I really fell for Conchita as a performer.  I got his album and was eagerly awaiting more work.

Then I found out that my own older child was gender fluid, which made me feel horribly guilty, as if he had been somehow intoxicated by my strange proclivities.  My child insisted that they had to start doing hormone suppression and estrogen right away, because they were 25 and they would only be able to pass as a woman if they started now.  This was received wisdom that they had learned from other transwomen.

I pointed out how Conchita was able to look feminine without any apparent hormones.  

But Conchita was about 25 at that point.

Now she's a few years older and looking more masculine -- probably not going the hormone treatments that my child is going through.  And she or he comes out with this song.

It's a very well done and charismatic performance. Conchita definitely has the "X" factor.

But the voice is lower and the face is more masculine.  The performance is tortured, rather than exuberant, unlike his "Phoenix" song.

The words include "I'm only human after all," "Don't put the blame on me," "Look in the mirror," "do you see it clearer," "Just a man. I do what I can,"  

In the past Conchita didn't say "I'm a man."  I feel like he's talking to me about the fact that he's afraid that I -- and other fans -- will be disappointed that he's not the way he was, that he's more masculine that he's not really a bearded woman, that he's really a man, and intends to stay a man.

I still find him fascinating.

Sunset Boulevard review

I had just come out of the Actor's Equity building, where I had been unsuccessful at getting into an audition. I was walking along 46th street, and then, suddenly, unmistakably, I was looking into the eyes of Glen Close. Her hair was in a strange sort of crew cut, and, if I recall correctly, she was walking a very small dog.

I didn't say anything to her. What was there to say? "Peekaboo I see you?" Sort of dumb.

I did report on FB that I'd seen her, and someone told me that she was appearing in a Broadway show, Sunset Boulevard.

That rang a bell.

In the early days of The Quixotic Quest, I ran across some YouTube videos of Kris Philips touring with Andrew Lloyd Webber, in Asia, and singing songs from Webber's musicals, which included two from that show.

I found Kris, because the videos of Kris singing songs from Phantom of the Opera came up after I watched a video of Josh Groban singing one of those songs. If you've been following this blog, you'll have noticed that I'm a Grobanite.

Then, as one does on YouTube, I went around and watched more Kris Philips videos. I was really moved to see that he led a group of singers in singing "We Are the World" at the Shanghai world expo only slightly more than a month after Josh Groban sang that song with a group of USA pop singers to raise money for the victims of the great earthquake in Haiti. That synchronicity made me very hopeful for the quixotic quest.

So I ran into Glen Close, and then I learned she was performing in this show that I felt some connection to and, then, Friday, there was a nice review of the show in the New York Times.

So, this evening, I decided to go see Sunset Boulevard. I had told myself I was going to go see Josh's show again when I got a chance, but I went to this instead. I got a favorable price for a obstructed view seat.

It wasn't nearly as obstructed as the seats I usually get when I go see the N.Y. Philharmonic. There was only a little bit of the front of the stage that I couldn't see, and the performers didn't go there, so I was o.k. It was a bit of a terrifying walk to get to it, as the lights were already off. It was a steep staircase, and a steep balcony, and the passage in front of the seats in my row in the dark was very narrow, with a steep dropoff to the left.

Now I can't say as I enjoyed this show quite as much as Josh's. Still, it was quite nice.

For those of you who don't know, it's a dismal tragedy about a struggling writer who gets roped into being a gigolo to a wealthy retired movie star, who is also manipulative and dotty.

In this production, the orchestra was on stage behind the performers, with a very limited set, sort of like Josh Groban's Chess DVD, except there was also some light dancing by the ensemble.

Glenn Close gave a masterful performance. It was interesting to hear her singing, because she's older than I am, and sometimes sounds it, but that fit with the character. As a performer, I'm still trying to get my head around this whole concept of acting while singing. Her voice was strong, but not, to my ear, beautiful, but certainly fit the character. Still, my ear isn't necessarily the same as that of the majority of audience members, who gave her repeated standing ovations.

She wore an impressive array of magnificent costumes and bling. Curiously, after the show, I discovered that the souvenir shop was selling bling, so fans could sparkle like her character.

David Foster said you know a star, because when they're on stage you can't look at anyone else. Close definitely achieved this effect. It may have just been the spotlight or the costumes, but I think not. There was something about her that drew the eye. Coincidentally, there was this line that her character said about how all she would have to do in a movie would be to show her face.

It was interesting comparing the performance of the male lead (Michael Xavier) with the parts I saw Kris Phillips perform on YouTube. I'd say Kris has the more beautiful voice, but not as good of acting.

The most impressive voice, to my ear, was Fred Johanson, the butler. He had a very deep bass voice that extended up to a fairly high and delicate falsetto. Paul Schoeffler, who played Cecile B DeMille, had an exquisite baritone, also.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that josh's voice coach, Kirsten Blodgette was involved in this show