Drifting from @joshgroban to @adamlambert

So, am I really doing this? Am I really becoming a Glambert and stopping being a Grobanite? 

I’m telling myself I don’t actually like “Feel Something”, but then I’m listening to it over and over and I do like the new video.  I find Adam hypnotic. 

Perhaps I did at first with Josh.  More recently I’ve been horribly frustrated with audio issues at his concerts — and vocal issues: as Josh struggled with what I think is a gradually deepening voice, which he doesn’t quite recognize is changing.  He tries to belt those high notes that he really can only sing well in head tone now, though he could sing them without head tone twenty years ago.  He’s doing much better with a new voice coach, but sometimes I still hear it.

I drifted to Josh after being obsessed with Michael Jackson for about six months. I told myself I wanted to hear someone with a lower voice — and also someone who is alive.  But maybe a higher voice is starting to call me again.  Certainly there are no issues with Adam sounding strained on his high notes as Josh sometimes does.

When Adam first competed on American Idol, I didn’t listen. I guess I heard a little bit and decided that it was the type of rock that I don’t like — or at least didn’t like back then.

I’m thinking that perhaps my taste in music is changing.  After years of just turning popular music off, because I hated rough singing and crudely strummed guitars that sounded non-linear, I’ve maybe started to have a greater appreciation for emotion in singing.  Also, maybe loud strumming at the hands of a master like Brian May is different from what normally appears in popular music.  In any case, Adam is not, for the most part, a rough singer.

Well, I’ve bought tix for arena concerts this summer for both Josh and Queen.  We’ll see what happens.

I’ve always been irresistibly drawn to gay and depressed men.  Josh is depressed, but Adam is both.  I’m not applauding the fact that I have this type of attraction. It’s a type of “Q” I think, but it’s something I don’t really accept about myself.

Creative types have to be depressed, because depression and creativity are closely linked neurological processes.  Maybe the reader will enjoy the articles produced by this google search link between creativity and mental illness  Also, I suspect that a person cannot muster the drama necessary to be an international celebrity performer unless they have some pretty serious mental health issues.  The drama has to come from somewhere.

So my attraction to depression is part of why I get celebrity obsessions.  Josh through his stories about fulfillment through the arts --  helped me discover, as well, that part of the obsession is my own desire to perform. It's been a while since I put up a youtube video under this pseudonym.  I should.

It’s interesting that both of these guys have mixed Jewish and Protestant ancestries as I do. That also makes me feel connected. Curiously, Adam’s life story is strangely similar to Josh’s, in terms of having pursued performance related education throughout his childhood.

And, yes, as I did with Josh, I’m composing a fan fiction novel to try to get obsessive, disturbing fantasies about Adam out of my head. If I finish this novel, it will be my fourth of this genre, under a different pseudonym.  I wonder if this time I’ll actually put Adam’s real name in it, as opposed to using a fake name to hide the identity of who I was fantasizing about.  Fan fiction seems to be more accepted now.  Maybe it’s ok.

And then there’s this odd thing.  At first, part of what drew me in to Josh at the beginning was this growing realization that he was reading my tweets — and those of other fans — surreptitiously. I don’t think that’s true any more. He’s trying to get away from twitter.  It makes him seem less immediate, I guess.  Before, I felt that I was almost getting to know him.

Recently, I tweeted to Adam a question about why his earrings don’t change much with his different outfits.  I tweeted this question after looking at many, many photos and videos, where the earrings were mostly the same.  Then, immediately, I see photos and videos where the earrings are totally different.  Coincidence? Maybe. Then, again, maybe not.  

I guess that sense of contact is intriguing — different from my view of celebrities as impossibly distant.  

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I even made a graphic for Adam, the way I used to do for Josh.  

@joshgroban Fandango Event 2/12/19 -- Fire and Ice

It started out with my friend, Night Owl, telling me she couldn't come with me, because she had the flu.

Then there was the wintry mix weather -- not really safe.  I sort of wondered whether it was worth going to see a movie of a concert that I attended, when it might mean risking my life.

I borrowed my son's Subaru, because it has all wheel drive.  I was forced to confess to him that I mistakenly threw out the key that he made for me for the car, so I had to take his key.

I had to shovel the driveway when sleet was still falling, because I wanted to get to the theater.

As I wanted in, I mentioned to one of the theater personnel there that I smelled smoke.  She replied "I Know."  I walked on in.  I figured it was nothing serious.

I got there about five minutes late, so I missed the first song.

This was at the City Center in White Plains, NY.  There were actually only about 10 people at this venue -- probably because of the bad weather.

I got to see "You Are Loved."  It was magical.  The sound was perfect.  I could see and hear Tarikh and Andre singing.  Josh's voice sounded perfect.  The packed arena looked like fairyland.  There was no chance that I would be seen, way up in the nose bleed seats, but at least I got to see the arena from the stage.

If you've been following this blog, you know that I've made a point of documenting sound problems -- usually too loud, or frequency distortion -- in Josh's concerts.  This was just the opposite.  Perfect sound, with the wonderful speakers of the theater.

Then the screen went black and they told us we had to go out, because there was a fire.

As we walked out, I could smell that the smoke was worse.

They had us wait in the Atrium of the Mall.  After a while, they said they were not re-opening the theater.  The fire was not in a trash can, as one of my fellow concert goers had optimistically hoped, but rather in the wall of the theater -- wiring perhaps.  For a while, the Shoprite below the theater was closed as well, but they reopened that later. I got some passes for a later event, tho, obviously it wasn't going to be this event.

So frustrated.