answering youtube video nHEl2pvtAso

I normally blog about OA under another pseudonym, but I was on YouTube and found a video with a woman complaining about OA. I listened to the video and identified a number of points that indicated to me that she had never understood the program -- and, moreover, had unfortunately been surrounded by people who never understood the program.  I used this pseudonym to respond

Now, unfortunately, this video critical of OA has been associated by YouTube with a video by my intergroup explaining OA to newcomers.  Here is my intergroup's video

And here is the video complaining about OA

I'm a pretty fast typist, so, as I was listening to her comments, I wrote down responses, which I edited and put as a comment under her video.  I want to memorialize these comments here, to wit:


I listened to your video. I’ve been in OA and abstinent for 15 years maintaining about a 45 lb weight loss.  I love OA.

I do appreciate that you presented this in a thoughtful manner, but there are some things that I wanted to point out.  I took notes as I was listening.  I have never tried to put such a long comment into youtube before.  Perhaps there is a word limit.  We’ll see.

This is going to be sort of choppy, because I was writing it as you spoke.

Weekly attendance doesn’t sound like an adequate commitment

Now there are phone meetings, online meetings, and podcasts, so geographical isolation is not a reason any more not to go to meetings.

Losing weight is not necessarily a helpful attitude.  I don’t think that’s what most recovered people would recommend.  The point is sanity around eating and sanity in general. We have a saying “I came for the vanity, but I stayed for the sanity.”

People who think religion is an obstacle don’t understand.  It’s not necessary to believe in a God necessarily.  It’s a meditation technique that calms cravings.  You don’t have to believe it’s an external God. 

Yes, addicts often have personality issues.  If we didn’t, we probably wouldn’t be addicts. My experience is, though, that if people get recovery their personality starts improving.

Part of the program is learning to detach from those personalities.

Not everyone does 3 meals a day.  You’re supposed to follow the recommendations  of medical professionals. 

I am in OA. I don’t feel that it’s safe to eliminate all carbs.  Just eating meat and green vegetables forever is not healthy. I know two people in program who got dangerously ill from doing that.  I certainly don’t recommend it, and the people I work with don’t do that.

Many OAs do, on the recommendation of their nutritionists, eat snacks.  It’s not the case that 3 meals a day is required.

I do personally find that 3 meals a day works for me.  I don’t feel hungry between meals, if my meals are big enough.  OAs typically strongly advise against feeling hungry.  We have this concept of “HALT” — don’t get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.  If someone told you you were supposed to feel hungry, they didn’t understand program.

I personally strongly disapprove of restrictive dieting — and the HOW program; and, this business of yo-yo dieting is certainly very dangerous.  I personally advocate a maintenance level food plan — not a restrictive diet. 

I don’t consider myself “skinny.”  I consider myself average weight. 

This business of being triggered by others, which you speak of several times, is part of what we are supposed to deal with using the steps.  I wonder if you had a chance to work the steps with someone who really understands program.

Being in relapse is not being a “bad” person.  This is a disease.  We are not bad people trying to become good.  We are sick people trying to become well.  Yes, I do think it’s a sickness. But I don’t see anyone shaming anyone else for relapse in program. I do see people imagining criticism that isn’t necessarily there, because of emotional issues that could be dealt with using the steps.

No one should tell you who should be your friends.  Anyone who did that does not understand program.  It’s up to you to decide who is good for you and who is bad for you.  A big part of program is not trying to control others.  I’ve never heard anyone say that you have to leave your friends and make new friends.  Program is supposed to help you deal with your life — not run away from it.

OA is not a program for making friends, tho. It’s a program of recovery.  Some people do make friends, but that’s just not the goal.

You say that it’s never bad to eat food, but some “food” though are not really foods.  They’re really drugs.  They’re designed for mood alteration — especially highly processed junk food.  They’re not designed for health or nutrition.   To me, eating for mood alteration is a kind of drug use.

You say that compulsive overeaters don’t have personality problems from their food use — and yet a big reason that you left was the personality problems of the people around you.  That doesn’t sound consistent.

It really sounds like you missed the point of what HP does in terms of removing the cravings and in terms of learning to cope with life.  It sounds to me like you have the wrong idea about this concept in program. 

 For me, it’s not about not being fat, per se.  It’s about being healthier.  It’s about my blood pressure going down — about my knees hurting less.  I do find that people who merely have a desire to improve their appearance don’t do as well as people who are trying to address the emotional aspects of this disease.

It also sounds like you have an issue of interpreting suggestions as orders.  That probably comes from something out of your childhood.  One thing about relying on HP, rather than other people, is that I don't have to be so craven. If someone suggests something I don't agree with, I can say "I'll think about it," and decide not to do it.  Before program, I was like a quaking aspen in Colorado, blowing in the wind of other people's whims. Now I have a new boss, and it's not them. I don't have to take their suggestions, or even their orders. 

dithering about the faces of @adamlambert

So, I find myself becoming a Glambert, perhaps predictable. I've always been drawn to gay men like a moth to flame.

It's odd that I should be drawn to him, though. I've never liked makeup.  I've had 4 objections to it
1. I feel that God made my face and I shouldn't second guess what it should look like
2. I feel that makeup on women is like the black veils the women wear in Saudi Arabia -- the belief that the female face is not acceptable
3. I have very sensitive skin and putting stuff on it tends to make me break out.
4. I just don't like the way it looks -- so fake, and slightly horrifying, like I'm looking at a zombie or a mask rather than a person.

But, wrt to #2, here's Adam, a man, choosing to wear makeup.  I don't think it's because he thinks that there's something wrong with the male face. I think it's because he thinks makeup is titillating.  That somehow seems to make makeup seem somewhat less evil to me.

And makeup *is* very central to Adam, for sure. He adores it. I look at these photos and I like the one on the left better (bottom on cell phone, left on desktop). I suspect he likes the one on the right better.

It's all very well and good for me to say "It's only about the music, and his beautiful voice," but that's not true. He's gorgeous, sexy, charismatic, dynamic on stage.  Once hooked, I would likely listen to anything he sang.

Well, maybe not. I would once have said that about Josh Groban and I don't feel that way now at all.

So here I am, a person constitutionally opposed to makeup, spending a whole lot of time online listening to and watching someone who loves makeup.

I once heard a saying "consistency is the hobgoblin of small minds."

#glambert