response to http://joshgrobannews.wordpress.com/

I was disturbed to see myself quoted extensively on this website out of context without my permission -- especially in a way that makes it look hurtful to Josh.  I'm certainly sorry if he did feel hurt.

The posts that I was objecting to originally have since been edited, which I appreciate.

I do feel that I was misrepresented and I do not like that at all.  I adore Josh and really do not want to say anything to hurt him or those around him.

My initial reaction to being quoted like this was to delete all the posts that were quoted, but since they keep coming back, I would like to explain myself.

First, I would like to say that I, myself, and members of my family have Asperger's Syndrome.  While, on the one hand, this is a disability, on the other hand, I like being this way and prefer people who are this way.   Suggesting that Josh might have it is for me a kind of expression of affection -- though it might not sound that way to other people.

I do not know if Josh has this disorder, but I do want to raise consciousness of the effects that this disorder has -- and how it tends to attract harassment and bullying by neurotypical people.  We Aspies call non-Aspies "neurotypical."

Neurotypical people operate using many subliminal social instincts.   They read facial expressions, gestures, and tones of voice in a subconscious fashion and engage in extensive subconscious intercommunication.

Aspies are not participating in much of this subconscious interaction.   If I say that Josh may not be co-regulating with Michele when he walks away from her and leaves her behind, this is an example of the kind of thing that Aspies do.  When I say this, my fundamental motivation to educate people about Asperger's Syndrome, not to make Josh look bad -- and obviously I have no clue if he is really an Aspie.  

On the other hand, Aspies often have many strengths that are valuable to society like: photographic memory, excellent focus in areas of fascination, creativity, and concomitant ability to master a particular subject in great depth and achieve great expertise.  We certainly do see that sort of thing in Josh.

Aspies often have various physical and social awkwardnesses that cause them to be perceived as gay.  Gay people also often have some social and physical awkwardnesses.  Gay people are estimated at 5 or 6 percent of the population, so they are more common than Aspies, who are estimated at 1 percent of the population.  Since gay people are more common, neurotypical people assume that physical and social awkwardness means "gay."  My sons were often bullied as "gay," when really their behavior and movement had another neurological cause.  

I would like people to stop jumping to the conclusion that a man who is socially and physically awkward is gay.  This is very damaging and confusing to people who have other medical reasons for awkwardness.   We need to be more tolerant and open to all people.

This is not to say that I think anything is wrong with being gay, either, if a person really is.

I do not think that Josh is gay.  I do not think that his secretiveness is due to being gay.

When I listed women who Josh has been connected with, it was to dissuade people from thinking that every new "connection" is a romance.  I personally have gone out on individual dates with lots of men.  That does not mean that I am "dating" them or having a romance with them.  It's just a friendly outing.  I don't like jumping to conclusions.

I can understand Josh not wanting fans to get their "onesies in a bunch" every time he goes on an outing with a new woman.  It's sort of like introducing a fox in a hen house every time he is photographed with a beautiful woman, the squawking and clucking that fans manifest.   I can see that being disturbing to a sensitive artist.

Secretiveness about relationships is not uncommon.  I think it is a biological instinct.  In the Stone Age, when our ancestors were surrounded by megafauna, secretiveness was likely critical to survival.  Romantic relationships result in intimate moments when the participants are highly distracted and therefore vulnerable to attack.  Accordingly, there is an instinct to hide those moments.

On the other hand, extreme secretiveness can lead to dysfunction.  For instance, in the Muslim world, women are kept in purdah, in part as a result of this type of secretiveness.  I deplore the practice of purdah, and find it damaging to the status of women.