May 30, 2009, my friend Jim -- a low bottom food addict -- died of obesity related illnesses at age 45. I loved him, despite his eating disorder. His top weight was 800 lbs.
Curiously, my grief over Jim's death turned into a fascination with Michael Jackson who died a few weeks later -- apparently also as a result of addiction, assisted by incompetent medical attention.
When Michael Jackson died, I really knew very little about him. I remembered seeing him as a child, on Ed Sullivan, but not since. I had heard "Beat It" and "Billie Jean" on the loudspeakers in the lobby of my office building. Somehow I knew that was him. I also had heard the strange rumors about the little boys and seen his strange appearance, but I had never investigated much.
I had never liked popular music much, and figured the same would be true of his.
I decided to click on his video "Thriller," which I heard was his most famous, just to see what it was about. I was sure I would hate it.
Wrong.
I did not understand then, what I know now, that the structure of his work was extremely complex and informed by extensive study of classical music. I did not know that his videos were like little Broadway shows, that he had studied that sort of work as well. I did not know that the zombie dance in "Thriller" was considered the most complex dance in the history of western civilization.
I spent the next 9 months watching Michael Jackson videos on YouTube, obsessively, every one I could find.
At first, I was obsessed with the idea that he might be a castrato, or have some kind of genital injury, that made him so strange. I started participating in a blog on that topic and bought a CD with the singing of Alessandro Moreschi, which I listened to repeatedly, despite the horrendous sound quality, to try to understand the topic.
I'm not sure why that idea was so fascinating to me. I concluded that it might have something to do with my troubled relationship with my father.
Also, my friend who died in 2009 acquired hermaphroditic features as he gained weight, his breasts enlarged and his genitalia were absorbed into his body. He also had a beautiful singing voice. Therefore Michael Jackson's androgynous appearance probably also was connecting in my subconscious with the death of my friend.
That genital injury idea obsesses me less now. I do not rule out the possibility that MJ may have had a genital injury, but I also doubt that I will ever know -- and I'm not sure it matters as much to me any more whether the high voice was an act, or whether it was the result of injury, or whether he had an autism spectrum disorder that prevented him from understanding the bizarre impressions he was creating in viewers.
What I was left with, instead, was my quixotic quest.
I learned that MJ came to believe that his success was due to his being an instrument of nature, that he was sent to channel spiritual energy from the universe into his audiences.
His peculiar appearance certainly assisted in this mission.
He lost his racial appearance. He was androgynous, seeming neither male nor female, a characteristic of many successful performers. He strove, with some success, to be neither adult nor child as well. He wore heavy pancake makeup, which made him seem more familiar in Asia, where performers traditionally wore such makeup. This all gave him a universal appeal, where he stopped being just an African American and became something that billions of people felt drawn to.
He was tri-racial, having white, African, and Native American ancestry -- so that his body truly lacked race, and his children bore the races of their mothers. His features, too, even from early childhood, had a kind of universal appeal that came from his multi-racial background.
And he had this extraordinary talent that made him the first truly global celebrity.
My obsession with him was deepened by the loss of my friend, four years ago today.
And, yet, it left, as suddenly as it had come, when I switched over to being obsessed with Josh Groban, because I was so sick of hearing high and wanted to hear low.
It is interesting to note that Josh's first voice teacher was also Michael Jackson's voice teacher -- and Josh's music, like MJ's is complex and informed by classical music -- and, like MJ, Josh is also very childlike in his own way. When Josh was younger, he also had an androgynous appearance, which was visible on a lot of the YouTube videos. He's a lot less androgynous now. Josh also sang "To Where You Are," which helped me think of Jim.
But, before the MJ obsession left, I had come to understand that MJ believed in an artistic chain reaction. He saw the reaction in his audiences, where tens of thousands of people could wave their arms simultaneously with the music. He illustrated what he hoped that reaction would become in his "Cry" video, where people were shown holding hands together across the country. Also, the drill dance video, from "This is It," showed dancers multiplying out to the horizon, in a unison dancing exercise.
He hoped that people singing and people dancing would spread out across the world and bring peace, probably inspired by children, as he showed in his "Heal the World" video.
One might say many things about Michael Jackson, but one thing everyone would have to agree with was his ability to master his audience. He knew about audiences. He knew what he was seeing out there.
I see evidence of the possibility of this chain reaction all the time. For instance, the Estonian movie "The Singing Revolution," showed a musical chain reaction overthrowing Soviet control in Estonia.
The "Christmas Truce" story from World War II showed people stopping fighting in World War I from singing "Silent Night."
Prisoners in a Filipino jail seem to gain solace and reform from dancing together.
Recently, the Chinese dissident Ai WeiWei remarked how his jailers reacted to his music, positively.
A lot of this story was in the letter I wrote to Josh in 2010, which I recently copied into this blog, but not the part my friend Jim played, which is what is coming to me now on the anniversary of his death.
The quixotic quest remains somewhere in my mind -- the quest for MJ's musical chain reaction, perhaps embodied in a world anthem.
Under the geist of the quest, I suggested to Connie Talbot to record and sing MJ's song "Heal the World." She did so -- maybe even in response to my request, I don't know. I am very grateful to her. I hope she is keeping the dream alive as she tours. MJ would have been very happy about her singing it. He often had a little, blond girl on stage with him when he performed that song.
Also, I see Judith Hill, who is also multi-racial, who sang "Heal the World" at MJ's memorial service, getting a bit of publicity recently, which I like to see. She sang a duet with MJ on the day that he died. I believe he passed a bit of his energy to her. I believe that, because of her multi-racial appearance, she embodies that song better than most performers would.
Jim, R.I.P.
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